Boundaries

Boundaries are not a natural skill for me as some of my most important life lessons were about learning to honour the boundaries of other people. As I learned this lesson and began to practice it I found that I had not been so good at honouring my own boundaries and in fact had allowed others to transgress across my boundaries as a form of exchange in the hopes they would allow me to transgress across theirs. As might be expected, this caused confusion and dysfunction.
My intentions were entirely honourable, wanting to help others and solve their problems as my only motivation for transgressing their boundaries; but no matter how well intentioned I was in these matters, the results were negative because I was violating a cardinal rule of the Universe, the right to free will and individual sovereignty. If they resisted my attempts, an unnecessary friction developed. If they allowed me or even invited me to transgress their boundaries I ended up making decisions for them which is always a poor substitute for people making decisions for themselves. Either way, dysfunction resulted.
I am a keen student of human nature and I see cause and effect whenever boundaries are transgressed. One parent of an eighteen year old son has regularly transgressed his boundaries for many years. The common name for this is a ‘control freak’. As might be expected the son has rebelled and is now into drugs and alcohol and generally wasting his potential. Why? Because he does not feel responsible for his own life, because someone else (his mother) has insisting on making his decisions all these years. This situation has no easy fix and I have not been invited to help, so I just watch, respecting everyone’s boundaries.
Two other friends are engaged in their own boundary issue. One has a health problem and the other is a healer. The healer is asking for the ailing person to put aside her boundaries as a prelude to the healing and the ailing person called to let me know. I have seen the healer in action in other matters and they regularly transgress the boundaries of other people, including actions I would consider downright unethical. The ailing person is well aware of the healer’s tendency to take unfair advantage and is planning to protect herself. I have offered to assist and oh so much want to jump in there, but will do nothing more unless invited. Even then, my help would be in the form of stories about things that have worked for me and as a sounding board for appropriate responses.
In my own life, the negotiations done with the spiritual leader in April was my latest experience with boundaries. The leader regularly transgresses on other people’s boundaries. The negotiations began with me calling this behaviour and asking him to cease and desist. As the negotiations began, I copied another member of the group who is very skilled with boundaries as a sounding board and as a coach in case I began transgressing on the leader’s boundaries. With this check and balance, my portion of the negotiations was very clean and I eventually left that unhealthy situation with a very clean sheet and no second guessing; all because I protected my boundaries and honoured the boundaries of the other person.
Another measure of the progress I have made is my three month old intention to reference people back to their inner wisdom when they ask me for advice. This has worked astonishingly well since their advice to themselves has turned out to be very consistent with advice I would have given and is tailor made for them; something I could never hope to achieve.
Perhaps in my next lifetime, honouring boundaries will be a natural skill; one I was born with. In the meantime, I watch, I learn, and I practice.
Freedom for humanity…

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About freedom4humanity

Serving Humanity with information about the Divine process of Ascension.
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