A Heart Attack

In January of 2004 my wife had a heart attack, medium grade. She had no risk factors and no premonitions, just something seemingly out of the blue. Her hospital stay was ten days or so and she could not drive for a month. Economically we did okay. We both did the same kind of work, officiating bridge games and I took over some of her jobs and we farmed out the rest on a temporary basis.
Emotionally it was a very tough time for both of us. Lynn has a victim persona and it played prominently in the aftermath. This persona held me responsible for her heart attack and treated me as part of the problem rather than as part of the solution. This persona was very durable and once behind the wheel was very difficult to dislodge, staying for days and even weeks. I actively discouraged this persona, knowing that it served no one, and it especially did not serve Lynn. Making someone else responsible for your health leaves you powerless and victimized, unwilling or unable to make required changes.
A turning point came in late April. Lynn was deeply ensconced in her victim persona and I was nearing the end of my resources and my resourcefulness. ‘I am not part of the problem; I am part of the solution.’ I said. ‘If you continue to treat me as part of the problem, I will leave.’ I was deeply committed to our relationship and this sentiment was new to both of us. However, I was entirely serious and Lynn knew it. Lynn shifted and although the victim persona made frequent appearances, Lynn was now an ally in terms of ousting the persona from control, so the balance of power had shifted and the durability of the persona was greatly reduced. We were now a team targeting her recovery and her return to complete functionality.
In June of that same year I made a commitment to my own spiritual development and began to spend time meditating and walking and writing. I had been playing a computer game and I gave it up choosing instead these spiritually oriented activities. I did not consult Lynn in so doing but keep her appraised of what I was doing and was generally more visible in her space instead of downstairs where the computer was located. Both meditating and writing were done within the living quarters and Lynn cooperated by not watching TV while I was meditating.
A part of what I was targeting became to improve our relationship and deepen our communications. I began to request dialogue on various issues as they arose and again, Lynn was cooperative although often reluctant. In dialogue we targeted to understand each other’s point of view and accepted that the other got to decide what they chose to do about something once they understood. In other words, we targeted understanding rather than agreement.
We both learned a great deal from these dialogues on a wide variety of subjects and the techniques we used served us well as my spiritual quest took shape. One of the things we learned was that we had very different life objectives. I wanted to do what I was born to do, even though I had only a hazy idea of what that might be, and Lynn wanted to retire and live out our remaining years enjoying life together doing what retired folks do.
My spiritual quest was taking shape and picking up speed and Lynn tried this and that but generally sat on the sidelines as it was not her area of interest. Without knowing it and without conscious planning, I began to shift and my activities became more and more about my spiritual quest and less and less about bridge. When the time came for us to part some four years after that fateful choice to focus on my spiritual development, our love for each other had grown but our compatibility had declined. We wanted different things out of life and staying together no longer served either of us.
Freedom for humanity…


About freedom4humanity

Serving Humanity with information about the Divine process of Ascension.
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