My Ex Dies

I have been commissioned to write a three page article in the Calgary bridge magazine about my bridge career and given full latitude in terms of the editorial content. A key aspect of this article will be my decision to leave the game and the various factors that went into this decision. Some of this has already been examined in my recent blogs and another factor came to light last night as I slept.
Irene, my ex and the mother of my four children died in October 2004 after a nearly three year battle with cancer. I was writing a journal at the time and the events surrounding the death and its aftermath are well documented. To put this in perspective, my second wife had a heart attack some nine months earlier in January, I played poorly and without passion in the Canadian Championships in March, and in June made the decision to dedicate time and resources to my spiritual development. By the time my ex died in October, I was actively questioning the value of competitive activities and targeting cooperative approaches in every aspect of my life and that included my relationships with all of my children.
A key element of my funeral visit centered around parental expectations after Irene died. The children were Irene’s priority whereas my views are summed up from this expert from my journal written after a lengthy meeting with all four children on the final eve of my visit, ‘On the issue of children being a parent’s priority, I offered the observation that this was not the only way of looking at the world and another way was for the primary relationship, the spousal relationship to have priority. This had always made more sense to me as that relationship endures whereas the children grow up, leave the nest, and develop their own primary relationships.’
Irene and I separated and divorced in the late 1980’s and in 1993 I had written a card asking for Irene’s forgiveness for my choice to leave the marriage and this card came to light as I helped the children in cleaned out their mother’s effects. She had kept the card although she had never responded and had not forgiven me while she lived. Funny how things play out.
Bottom line for the funeral visit is that it was heavily influenced by my choice in June to devote time and resources to my spiritual development. Competition in all its forms had become hollow to me and I worked very hard during that family meeting to transform competitive forms of communications (something that was habitual within the family) into cooperative forms like dialogue where understanding was the target and agreement was left to each person and kept outside of the communication. This was so foreign to my children at the time that a portion of the evening was devoted to its exploration.
The funeral took place during a period of about one hundred days, when I acted as if spiritual progress was my priority. Six weeks later, at the end of November, I was transformed into the person I was acting as if. No longer was I acting as if; I was now a person whose priority was my spiritual development.
The funeral and my interactions with my children were a part of my journey and an indication that the competitive aspects of my life were already melting away well before that night six months later during the Easter Regional in 2005 when I chose to take a holiday from recreational bridge in order to more fully dedicate myself to my spiritual development and to being and becoming my authentic self.
I continued to play professionally, but effectively ended my recreational bridge as of that tournament in 2005.
Freedom for humanity…


About freedom4humanity

Serving Humanity with information about the Divine process of Ascension.
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