Yesterday was Cali’s wedding. Cali is nineteen but wise well beyond her years as is the case with many of today’s young people. She is also my oldest grandchild and the oldest daughter of my son Orson’s ex-wife. Their marriage broke up nearly a decade ago and they agreed to joint custody of their two children. Both adults remarried and each have a child by their second marriage.
Orson and his daughter, Cali, became estranged after he remarried four years ago. Essentially Cali and her stepmother did not get along and Orson consistently sided with his wife, Cali’s stepmother. Cali, by then seventeen, decided to break the joint custody agreement and began staying exclusively with her mother. In conjunction with hurtful events from previous disagreements, communications between father and daughter broke down. The rest of my side of the family pushed for forgiveness and reconciliation but Orson was not ready and the estrangement spread to include strained relationships between Orson and the rest of us.
About a year ago, Cali came to me asking for my help with forgiveness. She was adept in the process and once she understood that she was not held hostage by Orson’s refusal to forgive her, she quickly moved through her stuff surrounding the issue, forgiving Orson and his wife, forgiving herself and asking for forgiveness for her part in the dysfunction. That set her free, even though Orson continued with his free will choice of holding her solely responsible for the dysfunction and refusing to forgive her. Cali has maintained good relationships with her aunts, Orson’s sisters, and with Orson’s father, e.g. me. Orson’s mother whom Cali loved died of cancer nearly ten years ago.
Planning a wedding amid this estrangement was difficult. Cali’s mother took a lead role but the father’s side (my family) was effectively sidelined. It was a small wedding, about one hundred people with about fifteen from Orson’s branch of the family, including my hale and healthy mother, Cali’s great-great grandmother. Orson himself left the wedding invitation unanswered and Cali made more than one followup invitation. Finally, and near the actual date of the wedding, Orson accepted when Cali assured him that ‘yes, she did want him to attend.’
I am very sensitive and empathic and could feel Orson’s discomfort during the early part of the wedding. After the wedding ceremony and before the reception I stayed close to him and held the energy of reconciliation…didn’t mention anything but made him feel at home in this setting that he may well have experienced as hostile. Just was there for him. It felt like I was bringing a little 5D into this 3D setting; bringing the higher energies of forgiveness, love, peace and oneness into the setting. One of Cali’s maternal cousins is a sixteen year old up and comer in competitive snowboarding, an Olympic event, and she also played a role in expanding Orson’s comfort level. The iceberg of estrangement was melting by the minute. Interesting…
It was good all around for Orson as he got to see and say hello to his ex-wife’s family, people he has not seen since the break up nearly a decade ago.
Cali was mindful of Orson’s sensitivities and was given away by her maternal grandfather rather than her step-father with whom she has a good relationship. The same was true of the second dance traditionally reserved for the bride and her father; again the maternal grandfather stood in for Orson. Late in the program, Cali asked Orson to dance and they did, amid much rejoicing and picture taking. Everyone was aware of the estrangement and happy to see progress toward reconciliation.
Orson’s wife was not in attendance, instead attending a wedding on her side of the family. This no doubt made it easier for Orson in the short term; the long term effect is as yet undetermined. Regardless, much progress was made and many first steps were taken.
It feels like the beautiful timeline of oneness and abundance was in full bloom at this wedding; a harbinger of things to come.
Awesome job, Cali.
Freedom for humanity…